I finally have a firm hold on the illusive future. It has taken many failures, misteps, broken relationships, and a lot of money. I will be moving to St. Louis some time in the near future to begin my new life. Lyndsye and I will be engaged before she knows it, I will be shopping a demo around, getting a Masters, and teaching. It has been a long time coming I must say! Springfield Missouri was a wonderful place to grow, and discover a hint of what I wanted in life. I met many wonderful people (Lyndsye), and had way too much beer. Omaha the past two months however has felt stifling and strange. I have had many creative surges, but most of what I could write was always bleak. I'm thankful for the friends I have met here as well, I just haven't felt the personal growth I was looking for. Much of that may have to do with the fact that emotional I'm some place else. I look around and take stock of some of the things in my life, and come to a few conclusions; I am mostly a private person (socially speaking), but very engaging with music and literature; I no longer want some of the people I am associated with by various friendships, to define me; Adversity is inevitable, but character is not...meaning, I have chosen a path that some disagree with, and those "some" will no longer be exploiting my generousity with no recprication; Trying to launch a singer/songwriter career is a dream that may lead me down a road of no monetary gain, and no fame, but the creative process, finished product, and feeling of accomplishment are all so damn worth it.

A few quick thoughts in the early morning hours: Yes, my name is different. Yes it is being legally changed. Yes the last name is a reference to a French philosopher. Why? I just needed a change, and always wanted to have a different name. Boring story huh? Sometimes things in life are just that. It's currently around 4:30 in the morning, and sleep has lost all meaning in my life. I got a call from a friend (same friend referenced in last post), and my presence is requested at a studio around 8am. I'm not sure why so early, but I'll be there! I've been up all night, writing, or shall I say, furiously scribbling. My room is a mess of papers, computer cords, guitars, and energy drinks. If anyone out there is interested in being my photographer, I would greatly appreciate it! I may not be able to pay much, but I promise that you would get as mush exposure as I could give you. It's the whole, "scratch my back, I scratch yours", type of deal. I'm going to go take a nap (probably not), and try to be a little rested(never going to happen). Until next time, I'll leave you with one thought I had tonight: "Who knew I would be this satisfied, being this stressed out?!"

Autumn has finally set in? Maybe. The weather channel seems to be as confused as Rumsfield was about Iraq (needless jab, sorry). It's cold. For me, that's perfect. Add a slight mists, gentle rain, stir in some fog, and you have my favorite weather. Enough about the weather. There are more pressing issues; I tried a re-work of a cover for the first time live. It went surprisingly alright. I know I botched some of the chords, but recovered nicely, and hopefully not too many people noticed! I have also spent some sleepness nights pounding through re-writes on lyrics for some new songs. I do have 3 songs polished, mastered, and sounding rather nice. It was nice to make some headway in the studio. I'm going to be shopping the 3 songs as a demo, so look out! I am still fighting with myself over a title for it all. I'm sure that it's just superfluous fretting on my part. Those little details should work themselves out, hopefully...I am also scrambling to get some photos done for both inside and outside album art. One wonderful comment was made by a friend of mine who sat in studio, (Yes he's well known, no I am not going to name-drop), "These songs are full of emotion, it pours from the music, your voice is raw, but beautiful, and the lyrics paint vivid renderings in my head. To sum it up man, it's fucking good!" That was huge for me. I'm so hard on myself, on such a constant basis, that it's nice to recieve adulation from a person I respect greatly! I'll hopefully have a title and cover art to show next time we talk. Take care.